I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
