Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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