Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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