Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
