Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
