maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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