the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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