Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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