All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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