hotel room ftw
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
