Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
