im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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