Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
