WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
