I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
