i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
