So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
