Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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