Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
