how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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