I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
