Plan B is the new Plan A
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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