I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
