i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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