take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
