it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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