I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
