i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
