i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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