let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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