Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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