I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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