Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize