I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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