haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
