update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
