I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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