I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
