if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
