member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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