If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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