Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
PANTIES FOUND
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