all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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