I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
