Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
