dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
