the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
