i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
