Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
