so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
