it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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