Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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