He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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