piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
