the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
