I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
