I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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