Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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