you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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