we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize