i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
