You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How external is "for external use only"?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
