How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
