I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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