mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
