you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
