I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
