i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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