I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize