How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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