i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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