...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You left your phone here
Wait...
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