Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
