I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
