I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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