Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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