great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
