Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
