I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
