My room smells like vodka and shame
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
