I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
