Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
