Sponge bath it is.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
