there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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