I'm eating all of the evidence.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
