Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's shark week go big or go home
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize