I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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