I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
